Merry Christmas...

Open presents...throw away wrapping paper...open presents...throw away wrapping paper...this is getting old and I spent all that time and effort wasting tape and paper. Whose idea was this anyway?

Christmas Eve...

It's widely believed that Jesus was actually born in June or July. The reason we celebrate His birth in December is because retailers needed "something" to boost sales before year-end so they wouldn't have to pay ad valorem taxes on merchandise in their inventories. He's the reason for the season, but taxes are the reason we celebrate Christmas when we do. Damned taxes. Merry Christmas.

Hate...

Life's too short to hate anyone. But it's not too short to hate everyone.

Pain...

Pain is usually a sign that something's wrong. A "pain in the ass" is someone who thinks they know how to do something the wrong way.

A Christmas Story...

Three men die on Christmas eve. They appear before St. Peter and he asks each of them to provide something that represents Christmas. The first man walks up and pulls a lighter out of his pocket, ignites it and says, "It's a candle." St. Peter says, "Very good, walk right through this gate." The second man steps up and pulls the keys out of his pocket and starts shaking them saying, "These are jingle bells." St. Peter says, "Very good, walk right through this gate." The third man realizes he only has one thing in his pocket, but he pulls out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter says, "Those are panties. How do they represent Christmas?" The man replies, "They're Carol's."

The point of this touching Christmas story is always have a pair of panties in your pocket around Christmas time. You'll never know when you'll need them.

Merry Christmas!